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Thoughts of life.

Suddenly I'm born and brought to this world by my creator, now to call my mother.
I grown fast, talk to other kids. I learned I studied.
Though I always asked myself:
For what I'm living?
What is my purpose?
Love? I didn't got it from my parents.
Friends? I felt nothing.
Dreams? I had dreams, but parents made me give up on them.
Future? I could never imagined what my future would be even when I tried.
I was thinking and thinking. For what exactly to live? Is the life worth it even?
I should've not be born I know that.
Then this life should be given to someone else instead of me.

I didn't want to live. I realized I only lived because you forced me to. Now you died. There's nothing to force me to live.

But I couldn't bring myself to end it. To end my life.
I tried and tried.
Something was stoping me to the last point.
Yet I couldn't figure out what.

Just a pure curiosity.
What will happen with this earth while I'm living this life?
I'm mad curious. Still, I'm losing hope and just feel empty.
Do I live to have fun until something worthy happens to this world?
Even so, there's glimmer of hope.
I'm waiting. But I don't know what I'm waiting for.

And so. I promised myself. That I will end this life when I get to 30 years old.

I learned a lot. I lost a lot. I fixed a lot. I did a lot.

But not worthy enough to fill my heart with will to live this life.

Maybe. Maybe next time. Somewhere else.

- メイコ
Dethmoore · 31-35, M
They did what they could. Maybe they weren’t the best parents. Maybe they weren’t made for parenting.

But guess what? You’re old enough to look after yourself and follow your dreams. You can leave, cut them out of your life forever, and do whatever you want. Parents sucked? That’s the past, so move on. You still have your whole life ahead of you.
Dethmoore · 31-35, M
@murasakineko my life sucks too. My parents didn’t love me or support my dreams. I even told my mother a few days ago that my life is shitty because of her and I shouldn’t have been born. That shut her up real quick. I kinda get you.

The thing is, you can change the bad things in your life. People like to say you’re young and you can still do so much. It’s true that you’re young and still have a lot of potential. It’s better than writing a letter fantasizing about unaliving yourself at 30.

One of my dreams is to have a happy family. I dream of being a good father to some kids with a lovely wife by my side, despite my terrible upbringing. Maybe you should dream again and live for yourself. I’m sure there are things that you enjoy doing.
murasakineko · 18-21, F
@Dethmoore That's very kind of you. And I hope you'll make your dream come true.
And yes, about mother I understand. My mother didn't want to have me and whished I wasn't born instead.
You're right I can change things in life it's on me.
But in harsh reality, sometimes even when you try your hardest you don't get to the point where you feel happy.

Eveyone has different lifes and different ways of thinking which I respect. The poin of this account for me is to express myself and my feelings since I don't have anywhere else to.

Either way. You have a lovely dream it made me happy to hear it. :)
Dethmoore · 31-35, M
@murasakineko I know. This site is for us to express ourselves and to ask questions.

I’m just saying don’t give up on yourself. You’ll never know how much you can accomplish and what happiness awaits you unless you keep on trying.
swirlie · 31-35, F
Your mother was not your Creator, nor was your father.
swirlie · 31-35, F
No, I do not believe in any religion. I am a spiritual person, but I'm not a religious person.
murasakineko · 18-21, F
@swirlie I must say, I respect that and like your way of seeing God.
swirlie · 31-35, F
Thank you! What country are you from?

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