Thoughts of life.

Suddenly I'm born and brought to this world by my creator, now to call my mother.
I grown fast, talk to other kids. I learned I studied.
Though I always asked myself:
For what I'm living?
What is my purpose?
Love? I didn't got it from my parents.
Friends? I felt nothing.
Dreams? I had dreams, but parents made me give up on them.
Future? I could never imagined what my future would be even when I tried.
I was thinking and thinking. For what exactly to live? Is the life worth it even?
I should've not be born I know that.
Then this life should be given to someone else instead of me.

I didn't want to live. I realized I only lived because you forced me to. Now you died. There's nothing to force me to live.

But I couldn't bring myself to end it. To end my life.
I tried and tried.
Something was stoping me to the last point.
Yet I couldn't figure out what.

Just a pure curiosity.
What will happen with this earth while I'm living this life?
I'm mad curious. Still, I'm losing hope and just feel empty.
Do I live to have fun until something worthy happens to this world?
Even so, there's glimmer of hope.
I'm waiting. But I don't know what I'm waiting for.

And so. I promised myself. That I will end this life when I get to 30 years old.

I learned a lot. I lost a lot. I fixed a lot. I did a lot.

But not worthy enough to fill my heart with will to live this life.

Maybe. Maybe next time. Somewhere else.

- メイコ