I dont wanna simply exist

I dont wanna kill myself, I simply dont wanna exist. I have thought about killing myself multiple times but i cant bring myself to do it bcz i dont have the guts to. Whenever i feel upset, the only thing that brings me peace is the thought of me not existing. I have tried to maintain a good relationship w my parents but it's honestly impossible. We argue everyday, constantly, it's so exhausting. My mother has said sm disgusting words to me and expects me to move on. Bcz of her I developed an eating disorder. I dont feel loved.

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Atnightportmoth · 26-30, F

Hey beautiful person out there , i feel you to the core , the only thing that will lead you out of this , is forgiving , at the end they will go to bed resting easily and u will linger in this , u will survive all of this magicaly , keep a good connection to god and what ever you name it , im very sure you will get out of this safe and sound , my mom said pretty bad and deeply wounding things to me and pretty ugly stuff too , but i also remebered her good times , i also knew she was mently sick for saying that believe me no one who is sane would ever tell u that trust me , so hang in there buddy , its all a head process u can do it , im positive ,