Why am i the odd one out

I dont know where to start, but. I feel left out often, and by often i mean all the time. I dont feel half-way "fitted in" society. I cant do anything others can, they think im lazy well in actuality i just have no will to do it let alone live. Its just a simple task but why cant i just do it? I'm afriad to talk or open my mind to someone directly so im stuck in this website. I cant cry or vent to anyone cause they all just leave me mid-talk, thats why i love my bathroom, it never leaves when i cry. They say I'm overreacting but im just 12 and i dont know anything about anything and my mind is ging into a million pieces and im slowly starting to consider if i should end my life or not. Yet im stupid too, i always need a hug but i never ask for one becuase asking for a hug is weird and awkward so I'm just stuck here hugging myself and cryibg myself to sleep. Its great to be that kind of person to drool on the pillow as you sleep because if i cry my moms just thinks its drool. I hope no one in my family notices this, i'm too stupid to actually ask for help