can't get over him

I had a few exes but they all did not seem right to me until I meet my fourth ex last year , he was the most amazing person and I loved him but he would hold this girl's hand and hold mine too, of course, i got jealous and I asked him but he said it was as friends so I didn't really bother but I voiced out my thoughts but he started changing himself for me and I felt really guilty and one day he leaned on my shoulder in the bus but I really hated people leaning their heads on my shoulder, especially with the shoulders I felt uncomfortable , so i told him but I was influenced by some people and I would cut myself with a penknife and i would hide it, the cuts were really obviuos so he found out and cut himself too, but i hated that he was harming himself for me and i really loved him but i was also jealous as i felt that he treated me like all the other people and was frequently talking to that one girl who would hold hiis hands,so i broke up with him but i regretted it later on and apologised and asked him back , he agreed but he broke up with me later on as he no longer felt the same but that was the first time i cried for anyone and i felt that although i dated afew people before him he was my first love. and i cried really badly after knowing he moved on and i thought i had so i dated other people but I recently realised i haven't gotten over him and i don't what to do anymore . now , we are still really good friends but it hurts to see him move on from me to different people so quickly. i kniw it is my fault for letting him go but i can't seem to find someone that can help me get over him and i can't seem to let him go knowing he doesn't love me anymore

What should i do?