i'm so lost

i think i have bpd, my mom won't take me to the doctors because she says i don't need help, i don't know if i'm ever gonna see my boyfriend again, my chest feels like it's collapsing in and idk how to make any of this better, i feel like i'm floating through space, so close to home but i'm just a little too far to reach and i've been crying for the past 9 hours