What I think of death and my fear of life

Death itself could be terrifying or to others beautiful. Many aren’t afraid of death but are afraid of what comes after. I personally see the beauty in death and find comfort in it. My self would like to die in deaths hands but personally I’m scared of what could happen after. What is death? What comes after? Y should you live if you are going to die anyway? What’s the purpose of living when you don’t care about anything anymore? Death though it is confusing and scary of the after effect I find comfort in it cause at least it’s better then working hard to only enjoy a little bit of happiness that I can experience in death. Ngl I’m just tired I don’t really care if I die by my hands or others I just want to die. I don’t need to live the people who love me will go forget about me anyways that’s how it is. Y should I live more? Y should I deserve more life? Y can’t I have just death? I would take any death as long as I would die life is just a slow way to die and it’s unfair. I don’t want anything I just want me to die that’s all I don’t want anything else. Mi don’t need anything I’m already starting to cause pain to others what’s a little more? One heart is enough even me having no heart is extra enough I don’t need much but all I ask is for the peaceful death a mind to just die y should I live? Again and again living is just cruel death is peaceful. I get to be away from everyone I don’t need anything. I’m tired again. I wanted to try this thing u call living and do all the extra work to keep up that living but what’s use is it if ur just gonna die? I’m not needed they can find someone else I’m just like everyone else I don't need anyone and they don’t need me. I don’t want to help anyone anyways that’s a lot of work for someone who basically can’t take care of themselves. I just want to do die, fly or something I don’t really need anything. I’m telling you I don’t need love from a family a life, happiness, just the plain dark where there no one but a soul floating in a peaceful space. I just find peace in death, I want peace that’s all, and this conflict and constant battle for living is just not what I want or need I just want peace I want death. I already know when how where and time but I will wait until that time for death to kill me. I am not finished with death but I fear that if I don’t do it quickly enough I might like living and that is worse then dying I fear life.