I tried so hard

We would have been married 5 years this October. My husband told me 2 days ago that he wants out. He told me that we just aren’t communicating right and that we’ve grown apart and he just isn’t feeling the spark between us. He gave me a warning about this a month ago and I tried so hard to show him that I’m willing to put in the effort to keep our relationship going but everything I tried made him more distant. Yesterday, as a last stitch effort I wrote a heartfelt letter to him but the answer is still the same. I guess deep down I knew he wasn’t going to change his answer but i really hoped he would. He told me part of his reasoning for not changing his mind is because it would be a slap in the face to everyone if he goes back on his initial decision and that he pour a ton a time in coming to his initial decision and even how he told me. I’m just heartbroken…

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LeopoldBloom · M

I have to say, that's a really immature reason for leaving a marriage. Of course, if you're arguing all the time or constantly getting on each other's nerves, that's different, but just "not communicating right" and "not feeling the spark" is BS. After 5 years of marriage, it's not going to feel like it did when you just started dating.

When he says it would be a "slap in the face to everyone" if he changes his mind now, implies that he's already told a bunch of people that he plans to end the marriage before telling you. That's really concerning. Of course he should be able to confide in his friends, but ending his marriage because he doesn't want to disappoint them is being very disrespectful to you.

I'm really sorry you have to deal with this, especially with a kid. It sounds like he's leaving no matter what, so please don't feel like you have to be cooperative and considerate. Talk to a lawyer and try to soak him for child support, alimony, and anything else you can get from him. I would also recommend opening your own bank account and closing or taking your name off any joint credit cards to minimize any financial damage he might decide to inflict. You owe it to your daughter to protect yourself.