i feel numb.

hi. u can call me yari. this will be my first post, so here it goes. i feel like i ruin everything. i feel numb. i listen to music every night on school days, which im doing rn. it hurts me knowing that last year on november 18, 2022, i was really depressed and almost ended my life ( im only 11.. ) i felt so hurt and felt like i wasnt enough. i always hated myself bc i wanted to be like those other girls who had self confidence with their BODY. ive always been insecured of mine, i feel FAT. i suffer with my mental health which makes me not be able to focus on school because idk what to think, i feel like im going insane when i think abt my health n school tho i try not too. my brother one time even told me that he was distgusted by me.. i had to act like it didnt affect me, but deep down it really did. and today theres this boy n we have gaved eachother more then 3 chances and theres something he doesnt know.. he is the reason i started sh.. now ever since, its been addicting, i try not to cut myself again but it feels difficult to do that. but lets get to the point, today a few hours ago or minutes, he took his anger out on me when all ive done is love him, he apologized after but it still hurted.. but thats all i wanted to say.. God bless you all and have a wonderful day today. if u read through all this, thank you for ur time it means so much to me❤🙏😔.