I hate my life

I tried taking my life when I was 5 by forcing myself to not breath, but I stopped myself when I just had the worst mental breakdown. (The mental breakdown continued for 8 hours) Now I have no real friends, even if they may be nice to everyone else but I already know they hate me and they just won't admit it. No one understands me, no one ever will. When I was about 12, I had a partner but, the second I gave him my heart, he broke it, burned it right in front of my face. Not even my parents know what's happening.