Trying to improve, but it doesn't work

I had a porn addiction during the pandemic and it stopped when I started socializing with my friends I haven't talked with after a few months. when the pandemic finally stopped, I finally get the freedom to leave at my home and go to school to socialize. There was this girl my friend introduced us to. She was quiet and shy, so I came to her and told her "It's okay to be here. We don't bite." When she heard that she was happy because she never get to hear those words. After a few days, we started talking together without them and shared mutual interest. after a few voice calls, she confessed her love to me. I didn't know what to do, but declined for now because we were both confused about our relationship at that because we kept on flirting. We had our first fight and we had a conversation about it. Once that was finished, we started dating. Time skip to somewhere around 5 months and she blocked me because she was uncomfortable with me from the dirty chats, because we would tend to do it to the point where it became an addiction to do it every day. Now I'm afraid from ever looking at pornography and hentai because I don't want to make the people I cherish uncomfortable and think I'm a creep. Everyday I would tend to self harm myself. My Ex's friend decided to befriend me and when he heard my side of the story, he felt bad, so he decided to invite my over to his church because there's a peer counseling. I feel like I don't deserve this after the sins I have committed. I will never forgive myself for making my first love uncomfortable.