I hate this feeling

Why am I starting to hate sitting alone? I always loved being alone. I hate when people come to me. I need my spaces but it feels so sad, whenever I try they all just stay quiet or avoid sitting at my table, ignore me, I hate that. I despise that, but I've chose that life haven't I? The damage is done, I cringe my self out, I get along better with birds at this point, not even my only friend (irl) is free to go with me, the internet is my last hope, I am intoxicated because I have no other choices. if I don't try I don't get it, the more I try everyday to even get better or to people likings and still, nobody, sometimes I wonder if I'm faking it, if I'm gone they'd only notice in a very, small group of people where they less know, or else they'll completely ignore me, always make excuses to not hang out, and I don't have many other options, I know someone must care! I love the internet but I need real life interaction, which I csnt get.