my current issues
ive struggled with relationships all my life and this time i really messed up. in september, i started dating someone i had just met and they had asked me for certain images, to which i complied because i was afraid to lose him. nobody irl ever dated me. i was dating multiple other people online and was polyamorous at the time. he continued to ask me for things that made me uncomfortable (i think u get the idea). rventually we started dating this one guy and i was doing pretty badly mentally due to nobody supporting my mental health. he didnt care at all for me. i started vaping and spiraling and both of them dumped me because of it. one of them started vaping, but the other didnt care though. i dont understand it but oh well. i had lost all my friends bc of them telling them not to talk to me and i was all alone. just recently ive made tons of friends and my life was getting better. i had started talking to someone on halloween and i was doing great. over time, he got distant to me. just only 2 weeks into talking. i thought i wasnt trying hard enough so i devoted everything i had and all my energy to him. dec 22nd he told me he hadnt liked me since nov 20ish. i was shattered. absolutely shattered. the guy i was dating before was trying to get back with me as well, but i kept ignoring him. today, my old friend told me the guy i was dating before said all of the traumatizing things that he did to me was me overreacting and that he was gonna try to start dating me again just to really traumatize me. im mortified. ive cried so much today bc im just spiraling again. my mental health is doing terrible again, though im trying very hard to keep it up. im trying to stay up in my studies as well, but when i get home and i step into my room, i start crying. its been 29 days since the guy i was talking to told me he didnt like me anymore and every day has just been harder and harder bc i cant feel romantic feelings towards anyone anymore. ill get crushes, but they only last abt 3 days. all the while the thing w my ex is going on, and ive started engaging in bad decisions. im doing so terribly and im so lost. ive dealt with depression for so many years but getting better then just falling right back down to where i was before is so terrible.
