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I am entirely alone

I feel so pathetic. Ive been reduced to venting on a website to random strangers because i have no one to listen. Im not very liked at school, im a goth girl but peoples negative comments never got to me. Until this one cool girl showed up. I tried to be her friend but shs constantly avoids me to the point where she just looked at my message despite me confronting her about not responding. Another thing is my boyfriend. His parents are abusive so he ran away to my house and now his parents hate me and wont let us talk. They took everything. Im not even sure hes alive. Its been a few weeks since we talked and im starting to get anxious. I just feel alone. I have no one to talk to not even my own bf. My mental health has gotten so bad i relapsed. Im afraid to tell anyone. I feel like such a disappointment, i dont want my bf to be disappointed in me. I just dont know what to do. Ive even considered death multiple times in the past week. Im such a total loser. If you read this i feel bad for wasting your time.
First of all, you're not pathetic or a loser. Try to quit seeing what you think are the negatives in yourself and look more for the positives. You have them!.. I'm sure you have quite a few of those. It just may be hard to see and believe when you're already down and others aren't supportive and they're more negative.
So what if you like to look goth. When I was your age myself and other kids and young adults I knew were known as hippies and the establishment hated us and parents would say that we were no good and it just went on and on. You have to find something satisfying in yourself and hold on to that because people are cruel and they're going to judge you. Many want you to grow up and be more mature of an older person. It doesn't happen that way. What they say doesn't mean doodly squat if you know you're a good person. Everyone else is going to want you to conform to [b][i]their[/i][/b] idea of what you should be. It's more important to find your way through life being yourself. You're going to make mistakes but you'll learn from them. People that are judgmental, cast them off because they will never be your friends and you wouldn't want them to be. If you're worried about your boyfriend find a way to reach out and find out if he's okay either secretively or any other way you can. That's a good part of you! You care about someone, right there is a good quality! In your age range that's posted, you're basically an adult and your boyfriend probably is similar in age.
Don't let everybody else make you feel like a disappointment if that's what's happening. Every young adult goes through phases in life discovering who they are what they like and what they don't like. That's your right to do that as a human being as long as you don't hurt others... but somebody laying a guilt trip on you is not a justifiable hurt to someone. It's who you are inside that counts more than what you look like outside.
You haven't wasted my time or anyone else's at all. If anything positive of what others or I have said here helps, use it and grow stronger. Don't let others bring you down. You can rise above. 馃槉馃憤馃徎馃尰
I'm sorry. It gets better once you move out, a change in environment can save your life. <3
You deserve to express yourself. I know what it is like but we're humans. We need each other and sometimes, even a little bit helps

I hope that things change for you. Have patience because one day, it won't look like this. Work towards how you want it to look. And also consider what you should always be working towards. Situations change. You have plenty of smiles coming, so be ready for that
kodiac22-25, M
Avoid the cool girls like the plague, being goth and cool girl just don't fit ya know ? You might not see it but things can change in ways you never dreamed of .If you give up you'll never know
You've only wasted my time if you don't get better from here.
ravenhillofKrull46-50, MVIP
find genuine friends, why would you care what others think.
Sjones1336-40, M
Don鈥檛 feel bad. It鈥檚 ok to vent your feelings on here

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