Vent or smth

I hate myself so much. I'm so pathetic. Everyday I cry and cry when I get home I have no use. I don't even have friends anymore. I'm no doubt the problem. I got kicked out of 2 friend groups in less than a year. I'm not trying to be toxic. If I could change I would. I hate this life and place. I tried to kill myself so many times even my family think I'm annoying. I'm so useless and pointless. No one cares about me whether I die or not. But for some reason I don't have the guts to kill myself I get bullied and I act like everything is fine. I hate this. I ran out of friends and I'm all alone. I wish I could go back in time. These people spread rumours. I care about what other people think and my reputation. I'm scared I can't tell anyone. I'm so tired.