I hate this Christmas

Man... this Christmas is not like the other Christmas I've celebrated, where family gatherings take place, spending time with the family and having fun but this Christmas is none of those know. My family hasn't been spending time or like we NEVER spend time or have a family bonding and i hate it so much and seeing people celebrating with their families and bonding with them makes me so jealous because i can't. This Christmas I've been just crying i hate it so much, Christmas is supposed to be a day to celebrate with your family i just dont understand... I hate that i exist tbh I rlly agree what people say about "living is not worth it" cause it rlly isn't...

(If my English is bad im rlly sorry English isn't my main language)