I don’t know just venting.

I live with my parents, and my brother just moved in with us again about late January of this year. Keep in mind that we live in a small 2 bedroom apartment. I was forced to move out of my room into my parents room because my brother moved in with his newborn baby and my sister in law. I have no privacy my mother is a narcissistic asshole and my dad is a fucking prick. Sometimes I just want to scream and leave but then there’s a part of me that says I can’t because of how it’ll make me look to them. I just turned 20 and I feel like I’m going nowhere I wish I could just not be in the moment or here at all. I’m just done, my dad keeps telling my mom it’s a phase that my oldest brother went through as well but it’s not. I’ve been feeling like this for who knows how long. I’m independent and very antisocial I don’t agree with my mom most of the time and my dad is just a douche. I need air, I’m just waiting for that moment where I know I’m going to break and I know that I won’t be the same as I was before. I just wish I didn’t live in this state that way I wouldn’t be as tied up with my family. I hate it here. But like always I have to say oh well to everything and let it pass. Every now and then I’ll get the intrusive thought to unalive myself but I know it’s not worth it. Wouldn’t that be beautiful, an eternal sleep. I’m just tired.