I feel so lost rn

ok so I just neet to say this to some1 else then myself I just feel so fired of myself and the way I look and the way I act and then the fact that my gf the only person I was my self with is in a mental hospital rn and she is there because of me as we had an agument sort of because I tend to have really heavy mood swings and I just started feeling so bad I texted her that I am gonna end myself and I didn’t reply to her texts later as I was in shool so she got super scared and I got home later that day I started apologizing I got so mad at myse I actually smashed my phone on a wall and she tried to kill herself a day or two later so she ended up in the hospital and I just feel so guilty. ig that is it I don’t think I can handle life rn everything is going so fast it hurts