i hate my mom tw: mention of suicide

sometimes i wonder what did i do to deserve such treatment from my mother, my own mom, where i came from. Why doesn't she love me, why does she want me dead, why do i feel like this, why was i born, i wish i was dead. i wish i died. like what she always wanted me to be, dead. she gives me things i want but one thing i long the most is motherly love, to exchange i love yous, to stop screaming at each other, do you think she'll care if i kill myself? probably not. why was i ever born? should i kill myself? would she cry? would she blame me for doing something stupid? would she feel guilty because she told me i should kill myself? or would she be happy im dead. she'd probably still think of me as a burden even when im dead.

um thats all lol kinda embarassing but yeah 👍 I'd prefer if you won't comment on the things I said like gaslight me into thinking she actually loves me lol