All I know is this. If you write phrases like "I'm a no good loser" that's EXACTLY what will come back to you. [b]Thoughts become things. [/b]Look at life, and yourself, negatively and negative things will happen. Change your perception to "I've got so much to be thankful for and be happy about" and that's what will come back to you. Life is a solo. For everyone. You run you. Think 'good' and good happens. Not always because that's not how life works. EVERYONE has struggles. But you get through them much faster and more powerfully when you approach them from a positive mindset.
Good luck.

Get a dog!

I got two. Every time I feel low They are always there to perk me up.

Some therapy might help you to move forward from here.