Uncertain thinking and venting.

I saved enough money to finally take a class. This class will give me access to tools that will help me create my portfolio so I can apply for an internship in my dream job. But I havnt signed up yet because I’m afraid I’ll need that money. The current job I have has been cutting our hours and obviously I need money to eat and pay rent, even if I go to school, so I started interviewing for a second job. Still havnt found a good one which is making me nervous . I want to sign up for the class now bc I want to get my internship by next year but I also don’t want to starve and not afford rent…. My family really wants to see me so I’m going to have to miss a week of class if I do it, which also makes me nervous bc I don’t want that to mess up my peers in case we work on a project together…*sigh*… but if I hold off till next year I won’t be done till the beginning of summer which means I won’t try fit the internship until summer which means I might not get it till fall AND i will be another year older and still stuck where I am now longer… My boyfriend said that if his current job dismantles he’s going to move out of the city. Which means I’ll have to which means I’ll never get my opportunity to do the internship unless I do it now…then I’ll really be a failure… I guess I could stay regardless, but I would still be older..*sigh*…. I should probably just do it now. If it’s not these things getting in the way it will be something else… I’m just nervous over all. I just really want to progress in my life and I’m in disbelief that I can until it happens and I can’t believe that I can make my life change.. it feels—free, and I just can’t believe it…but it’s true; I just gotta do it…. It’ll be fine right?..