just venting, dont mind!
Hello.
I'm now probably using this as a venting thingie..
um.. so, I'm a female. 16 years old. I, though, still cant decide wether I want to be a male or a female yet. probably genderfluid..
I have been using the name Juna for quite a while now. besides my dead name.
I dont have a lot of issues. at least compared to what other people have, which is.. quite worse than my own problems.
I'm a person who never vents to others and "likes" to keep things in. but in reality I really want to vent to someone but I dont know how to start a conversation about it which leads me to one thing. I, wont vent. I have vented of course. but it happens once a month or so. venting makes me feel like I'm being a burden. its like im attention seeking.. but, I dont know how to say this.. I have no friends.
I have no real life friends. not even one. I'm not social, I dont talk so I'm guessing people just dont want to talk to me because they can never hold a conversation with me for more than 10 seconds Max. I usually reply with "mhm" "yeah" or so because.. I dont know what to say. I have anxiety.. no one understands me. not even myself.
I get highly nervous at times, crowded places or loud ones. its annoying.. Im trying to get through it.
I also have anger issues so I easily get mad at a lot of things, but especially when people touch me. if my skin touches another thing, like.. anything.. I get mad. I dont know why. Im probably just sensetive.
well.. I used to go to a school, 25 students in one class. in fact, I was the only girl. so, 24 boys.. one girl. It was the most stressful year of my life cause I HATE boys I hate men and everything about them. they are so sexual for what... they judge women too.. I have been judged way too many times in my class. and somehow they found out I was a part of the LGBTQ+ community. theres this one boy that had a crush on me. although i refused him, and he, I think, understood but I have no idea if he actually did. but my class never seemed to get it through their head that I dont like this guy, I am actually into women and they knew that. they'd usually say stuff like "want me to plan a date for you and (boys name)?" and so on. I said no. I always did. but, they'd never stop. although, they did stop. after a year.
I was in a new class in the same school now – it went fine but one day one of my old classmate decided to let my whole class know that I was lesbian and the class wouldnt tell me who did it. I was actually really aggresive in my new class for no reason whatsoever but I'd stand up for myself.. somehow. now.. I changed schools. now I take 1 hour to get to my new school. I wake up at 6.50am and take the 7.40 am bus and arrive at 8.55am. its tiring. but i sleep in the bus with music on so i dont actually fall asleep and miss my stop.
my new school is fine. or so i thought. no one actually talks to me. well, im new so people already made friends in this class so im mosly left out from everything. and i mean everything. theres this friend group with 3 people and they only once talked to me but it was to ask if I watch the same anime as them but even if I did we couldnt hold a conversation for too much. its because of me. I make everything awkward.
today, one girl in my class came and sat next to me. we talk only once and its to ask questions like what time is it, which lesson is next and so on. we never talk about our interests so its really awkward. I once saw her with another girl in the class making a .. hand sign? it looked like this emoji "🤙" and.. I mean exactly like it. I dont even know what it meant but my overthinking issues just made me kept on thinking that they're just planning on bullying me. I can feel her staring at me from the right and i cant help but think shes judging me. I hate myself. Im looking at life from the bad side and I cant help it.
thanks for reading if you did, have a good day or evening, or night.
I'm now probably using this as a venting thingie..
um.. so, I'm a female. 16 years old. I, though, still cant decide wether I want to be a male or a female yet. probably genderfluid..
I have been using the name Juna for quite a while now. besides my dead name.
I dont have a lot of issues. at least compared to what other people have, which is.. quite worse than my own problems.
I'm a person who never vents to others and "likes" to keep things in. but in reality I really want to vent to someone but I dont know how to start a conversation about it which leads me to one thing. I, wont vent. I have vented of course. but it happens once a month or so. venting makes me feel like I'm being a burden. its like im attention seeking.. but, I dont know how to say this.. I have no friends.
I have no real life friends. not even one. I'm not social, I dont talk so I'm guessing people just dont want to talk to me because they can never hold a conversation with me for more than 10 seconds Max. I usually reply with "mhm" "yeah" or so because.. I dont know what to say. I have anxiety.. no one understands me. not even myself.
I get highly nervous at times, crowded places or loud ones. its annoying.. Im trying to get through it.
I also have anger issues so I easily get mad at a lot of things, but especially when people touch me. if my skin touches another thing, like.. anything.. I get mad. I dont know why. Im probably just sensetive.
well.. I used to go to a school, 25 students in one class. in fact, I was the only girl. so, 24 boys.. one girl. It was the most stressful year of my life cause I HATE boys I hate men and everything about them. they are so sexual for what... they judge women too.. I have been judged way too many times in my class. and somehow they found out I was a part of the LGBTQ+ community. theres this one boy that had a crush on me. although i refused him, and he, I think, understood but I have no idea if he actually did. but my class never seemed to get it through their head that I dont like this guy, I am actually into women and they knew that. they'd usually say stuff like "want me to plan a date for you and (boys name)?" and so on. I said no. I always did. but, they'd never stop. although, they did stop. after a year.
I was in a new class in the same school now – it went fine but one day one of my old classmate decided to let my whole class know that I was lesbian and the class wouldnt tell me who did it. I was actually really aggresive in my new class for no reason whatsoever but I'd stand up for myself.. somehow. now.. I changed schools. now I take 1 hour to get to my new school. I wake up at 6.50am and take the 7.40 am bus and arrive at 8.55am. its tiring. but i sleep in the bus with music on so i dont actually fall asleep and miss my stop.
my new school is fine. or so i thought. no one actually talks to me. well, im new so people already made friends in this class so im mosly left out from everything. and i mean everything. theres this friend group with 3 people and they only once talked to me but it was to ask if I watch the same anime as them but even if I did we couldnt hold a conversation for too much. its because of me. I make everything awkward.
today, one girl in my class came and sat next to me. we talk only once and its to ask questions like what time is it, which lesson is next and so on. we never talk about our interests so its really awkward. I once saw her with another girl in the class making a .. hand sign? it looked like this emoji "🤙" and.. I mean exactly like it. I dont even know what it meant but my overthinking issues just made me kept on thinking that they're just planning on bullying me. I can feel her staring at me from the right and i cant help but think shes judging me. I hate myself. Im looking at life from the bad side and I cant help it.
thanks for reading if you did, have a good day or evening, or night.
