My life is. A mess

Hey... i seriously need help. I have friends... but, you know everybody deserves a chance right? Ok, maybe i have done some shit to hurt my friends like telling lies. Ok, so i hv 2 friends that are boastful , and they didnt want me after they found out the lies i told and that shamed me and sent a long strings of msg to me like howw they feel hurt and they want me to change so i did and so before that thye found a new friend and dumped that new friend because that new friend hated me and they want me back now. They also have a habit of whispering to each other when im around so on and so forth, altho they are fine, my blood is boiling everyday and i feel so angry and crazy that im laughing 4 no reason and laughing hysterically. So i cannnot leave them and i have developed huge trust issues. In fact, i dont have trust issues because now i dont even trust at all. In case u guys ask me to find new friends, i cant as they alr formed their grps so i hv no choice but to follow them or else i will be a freaking loner . And i hate them soo soo much but... i cant do. Anything freaking thing abt it. And they think i was mean to them but thye were actually being mean to me, and i am suffering from depression last time. But now, they both got into the same high school , in fact a really gd one through some shit interview and i didnt so i have to use my grades and they dont need to do as well and i needed that chance more than them as they are smarter than me. So i was a little jealous and one of them rubbed it in even more UNKNOWINGLY by saying they both got into the same sch and im feeling so depressed now i seriously need more freaking advice, thank u ppl for reading this with all ur patience and understanding