I’m having a weird time 🖤

Nothing I can’t sort through or figure out. But I can’t eat, I don’t want to. I just want to drink tea, write poetry and make love. I cry on my own a few times a day, even on great days, there’s just a sadness building up inside me. Nothing nourishes me. TMI probs but my shit is liquid. My body is getting stronger, letting out the pain is healing. Yesterday when I was getting tattooed, they had to give me a break a few times as I enjoyed the pain so much I couldn’t stop giggling. It was euphoric. It felt like cutting x 10 and I ended up with beautiful art with me as long as I’m alive. I have plenty, my son is incredible and I’m thankful beyond what I can express. But this buildup of sadness and being alone is taking up too much space inside me. I’m full, yet empty. I don’t understand if I’m just to accept that my life will be lived in solitude because of who I am. Because I can only be genuine. Because I seek beyond to know people and life more deeply. Because I’m brave and unconditionally loving. If honesty and acceptance is the wall that separates us, I haven’t got much chance. Not enough to hold onto guys. Like dangling a carrot. This sweet heart always goes for it. Something within me still needs to change. Stuff needs to be let go of. I’m sorting it out. I always do and I believe in myself. I appreciate my buddies here.

It’s just I’m all love inside. I wish someone would see. I have no family and I wish I wasn’t missing that piece but they aren’t coming back. I don’t know how to fill in the gap alone for my son and I and I’m tired.

Letting it out here helps. So please don’t feel bad, I’m good I swear, I just have to let it out 🖤

VisionQuest · 51-55, M

Lonliness is probably the hardest feeling to deal with. I've been there, I get it. If you want someone to talk to, just message me. I'll listen.
(((HHHUUUGGGSSS)))

DunningKruger · 61-69, M

I'm no expert, but it sounds like you're suffering from PTSD. All things considered, it wouldn't surprise me.

RebelFox · 41-45, F

@DunningKruger Yeah I was diagnosed and all that years ago. I’ve worked through a ton of it, but I also lost my parents in the meantime and truly I could use love and support, but it’s just not happening. I always get through on my own though and end up stronger or at least a little bit wiser. But I’m tired. My boy could use more than me. And help is not on the way. I dare not be selfish and expect it in todays society though. Everything is falling apart, I just feel like crumbling with it. So tired.