Why am i still alive

I cant do this everyday i put on a smile and everyone thinks im happy im not i just cant take it anymore i have a bf but he has lots of girl mates who he is kind of close with the only time i see him is if he calls me or at lunch and in the morning but idk i just want him to hug me and i get bullied for being tall and really skinny this one time someone said i was pregnant im not btw someone said atleast she will eat and i just idk what to feel anymore