I Need to Vent

My dilemma is that, I am terrible at group discussion but alas I have to take discussion based classes to graduate. At the beginning of the semester I enroll in said discussion based class and tell myself, ok this semester will be different! You'll talk and everyone will think your pretty cool, or at least won't hate you for never talking. So the first day, I don't talk, second day-don't talk, third day-don't talk. And now we are half way through the semester and I still haven't said a damn word in that class. The thing is I prepare notes and questions but I get to class and i think about speaking and its like somethings gets caught in my throat, and I start sweating, and get nervous and fidgety. THen I keep telling myself ok, ill talk after this person...ok after them...ok after them and then the bell rings and once again I have sat through an entire class just stabbing myself in the back. I want to talk but get to nervous about how other will react to what I say, like maybe they will just say ooookay. and move on. Now you can't tell me people won't do that cause it sure as hell does and has happened to me several times.

I think if I don't talk everyone will hate me and ill become a waste of space but if I do talk then everyone might think what I said is stupid and hate me equally as much. So I sit in class thinking about talking but then my memories come and attack all my the confidence I build up before class, even before the semester. I want to talk, but am too scared to talk and then because I don't talk my anxiety becomes that much worse. Its like a vicious cycle that I can't get out of.

But even i realize that when I talk the thing that I want to say never come out the way the are expressed in my head so of course people are going to look at me like im stupid. People put so much emphasis on talking and if you don't talk your just a horrible anti-social person. I don't want to be viewed that way but i don't even know. It took me forever to figure out how to respond when I was at work and people asked me whats ups because i thought about it and wondered Are you asking me how I am doing, saying hi, or is that just a hypothetical "whats up" in which it doesn't require a response?

I feel like even writing it out I still cant clearly express how I feel. Its all just really frustrating. I know what I want to say but can't express it. I want to speak in class but the words always get caught in my throat. I hope I don't have to take anymore discussion based classes after this. I really don't even know how im gonna make it in the real world if my brain freaks out when I am talking to or more than one person can hear what im saying.

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MarkPaul · 26-30, M

1. What about telling the teacher and asking for help?
2. What about practicing by yourself in front of a mirror?
3. What about taking what someone else said, agreeing, and then just stating it in your own words?
4. What about sticking to just saying 1 sentence with as few words as possible as a first step?

I had this same type of problem. There is no magic and no easy way out. Unfortunately, the only way to overcome the anxiety and/or fear of doing something is to actually do it. The thing to remember is even if everyone does hate you for what you say, you won't be any better or worse off for it. So... there really isn't any risk - when you THINK about it - for speaking up.

TURTLEGOD

@MarkPaul #1 is like jumping off a cliff into the sea and I can't swim. Ive done the practicing in front of a mirror thing but I feel like in anticipation of talking all the confidence I got from practice is crushed. But I will try 4 though, I think i should talk at least once in class so that might work. I keep feeling that if I say something it has to be long drawn out and insightful.

MarkPaul · 26-30, M

@TURTLEGOD 4a-Before you do anything, listen intently (INTENTLY) to what the others are saying. You will quickly realize they are not saying anything that insightful. Most things anyone says isn't insightful; it really isn't That isn't a put-down; it's just the way it is. No one (NO ONE) says anything THAT insightful. If you want to test my point outside of the classroom, just listen to something (anything) donald trump says on any random day (and he's the president). He's the least insightful of any human being I have ever come across on this planet (and that's even when he is reading prepared comments).

4b- After listening to how UN-insightful everyone else is, you will see you have been trying to live up to a level of perfection that simply does not exist in normal everyday conversation. THEN (and only THEN), speak a single simple sentence. The goal at this point is NOT to be insightful. It's simply to say something. You do want it to be relevant to the topic, but keep it as simple as possible.

4c- Congratulate yourself on the accomplishment. Be sure not to neglect this final step. And, let me know how it goes. I am interested to know. It's actually how I made my first start. I still have traces of social anxiety, but I am able to freely engage in conversations. You can too.

TURTLEGOD

@MarkPaul I feel like talking at all is still a big step but thanks for the in-depth steps. Once I finally re-build the confidence to speak up and do it ill tell about how it went. I guess the hardest part is getting out of my imagination about all the terrible ways they could react to what I say.