I Am Mad, Sad, Disappointed

I'm mad at myself for not being more "successful." I'm mad at myself for having to move back into my mom's house. I'm mad at myself that I could have just gotten my BA degree and been done and had my dream job, but I had to make things difficult and now I have three more years of school and $30,000 more in debt. I'm mad that my brother, my younger brother who is only 20, is able to buy a house and has a girlfriend that he loves and a dog and a good job, with benefits, that he likes. I'm mad that my uncle was murdered. I'm mad that my grandpap isn't here to see anything that I do. I'm sad because I miss him. I'm sad because I miss the me I used to be, but she's not here anymore. I'm sad because I don't even know why I feel so sad. I don't understand why I'm so upset with myself. I'm disappointed in myself because I should be happy for my brother, but I'm not. I'm disappointed in myself because I feel like I should have done more/should be doing more. I'm disappointed that in myself because I don't belong in grad school. I'm not as smart as the others. I'm not as dedicated. I'm not as good as the other students. I'm disappointed in myself because instead of working hard and keeping on, I get so wrapped up in my own head that the world starts spinning and I can't do anything but cower under the covers of my bed. I'm mad at me. I'm sad at me. I'm disappointed in me. And I don't know how to change that.