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I Am Mad, Sad, Disappointed

I'm mad at myself for not being more "successful." I'm mad at myself for having to move back into my mom's house. I'm mad at myself that I could have just gotten my BA degree and been done and had my dream job, but I had to make things difficult and now I have three more years of school and $30,000 more in debt. I'm mad that my brother, my younger brother who is only 20, is able to buy a house and has a girlfriend that he loves and a dog and a good job, with benefits, that he likes. I'm mad that my uncle was murdered. I'm mad that my grandpap isn't here to see anything that I do. I'm sad because I miss him. I'm sad because I miss the me I used to be, but she's not here anymore. I'm sad because I don't even know why I feel so sad. I don't understand why I'm so upset with myself. I'm disappointed in myself because I should be happy for my brother, but I'm not. I'm disappointed in myself because I feel like I should have done more/should be doing more. I'm disappointed that in myself because I don't belong in grad school. I'm not as smart as the others. I'm not as dedicated. I'm not as good as the other students. I'm disappointed in myself because instead of working hard and keeping on, I get so wrapped up in my own head that the world starts spinning and I can't do anything but cower under the covers of my bed. I'm mad at me. I'm sad at me. I'm disappointed in me. And I don't know how to change that.
StillLearning
26-30, F
12 replies 105 views Sep 14, 2019
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SWisGoingWoke · M
I think you're being too hard on yourself. Emotions are sometimes irrational. You're WAY too young to have completed the trifecta of wealth, fame, and perfect happiness.

Life has a way of shaping us as we learn and strive. Just be sure to give yourself some slack.

Forgot to say...happiness is a choice. Take it.
+ 3 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2019 · Edited: 5 yrs ago
StillLearning · 26-30, F
@SWisGoingWoke I think that's part of why I'm so stuck. I know that it's irrational and impossible for me to have figured everything out, but I still feel like I should have by now. I know that I'm frustrated with myself for not giving myself some slack, but every time I try I get so anxious in the end because I feel like I've been lazy. Which I know is dumb and, again, irrational, but I don't know how to break that cycle, or at least pause it.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2019
SWisGoingWoke · M
@StillLearning "by now" is fine as long as you're over 70. Before that, VERY few of us have very much figured out...

Why would someone torture a defenseless puppy?
Why would someone decide it is better to kill someone who refuses your religion?
Why does it take a disaster for people to realize we're all in this world together?

So many questions and very few answers.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2019
IrishPat · M
I’m sorry to read your life stresses. It sure can be tough at tines and can spiral out of control. But keep plugging away. Force yourself to maybe reach that little bit more dedication to your studies and it could be enough to turn your life around in the not too distant future.
I hope you do amazing. I hope you find happiness for your brother but especially for yourself!
You got this!!!
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2019
Girlyfriendcollecting · F
@IrishPat thats a really good answer😀
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2019
IrishPat · M
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2019
Mindful · 56-60, F
I think you are spiraling into depression. You need to get help right away. No one is perfect, but you can’t let life’s disappointments “freeze” or paralyze you. Get help, take one step forward per day.

PS don’t forget there’s a nation of college grads just as upset as you are... I think you’re lucky you stopped spending money on college
+ 2 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2019 · Edited: 5 yrs ago
SW-User
Hey, one while not knowing you, so many find this world hard now. Economics almost always force children to live again with their parents these days. Commodities while a little up, rental/real estate are a thousand percent above what your parents had to penny out. I'm smart, maybe, but I'm 41 and my only passion is arts, which god knows I don't do anything towards and if I did the reward be, I chased and sought a passion. If I really sought what I can be good at, sometimes, emphasis on, I would not be happy as I would be broke. So I simply work in a factory/printing press. I'm just saying, I think you are being a little harsh on yourself.

And the last thing you should do is consider yourself in comparison to your siblings. Just chase what you are good at, and know there still is a world in front of you.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2019 · Edited: 5 yrs ago
Picklebobble2 · 56-60, M
Well. You know your business better than anybody else but from this strangers perspective all I can say is you are not your brother !

At your age I guess it's normal that you constantly compare your level of 'success' with a sibling.
But you have to accept that your life is not his !

You'll discover your talents soon enough
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2019
midnightsun · 26-30, M
I know the feeling.

The truth is that you cannot solve this problem. It's better to accept that life is unfair and move on rather than spending so much energy on all of this.

Good luck. Hope you'll figure out your problem. I wish I could help.
+ 1 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2019
Girlyfriendcollecting · F
you are too hard on yourself, you have gone though alot and have accomplished alot, you already have a bachelors of I'm guessing Art or something that took three more years of school. Thats what I have as well and i often beraid myself for not being a hard worker not doing enough and not going into science. I have never had anyone murdered in my life that is a tough thing to go through. you should be proud that you can go through a death of a family member and still move on in life.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2019
MarmeeMarch · M
And you'll never be a success if you don't get over the jealousy of your brother. That to me seems to be the root of your jealousy and jealous people never get ahead in life they always look through the window At what others have and they sit in a wish, Instead of focusing on their lives.
+ 0 · Reply · Translate · Sep 14, 2019
 
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