2 months without you
💔 Two months without you, Jeremy. 💔
Two months. I honestly don't even know how that is possible. In some ways, it feels like you were just here yesterday, and in other ways, it feels like it's been a lifetime since I've seen you, talked to you, or heard your voice. And the hardest part is that I thought maybe, just maybe, this would start getting a little easier. But somehow, I'm sadder now than I was when we first lost you. It hurts more. I'm angrier. I'm more lost than I ever thought I could be.
I don't know how to explain what this kind of pain feels like. The shock has worn off, and the reality of you not being here is hitting me harder every single day. I still look for you all the time. I still catch myself expecting you to be around, expecting to see you, hear you, or find you doing something that would make me roll my eyes and smile at the same time. There are still moments when my brain forgets for just a second that you're gone, and then reality comes crashing back down, and I have to remember all over again that you're not coming home.
And God, I'm so angry. Angry that you're gone. Angry that the world keeps moving when ours feels like it has completely fallen apart. Angry that there are so many things I want to tell you, so many things I wish I could ask you, and so many moments I wish you were here for. I hate that we have to keep living through all these things without you. I hate that I can't just pick up the phone and talk to you. I hate that missing you has become a part of everything we do.
And the kids... my heart breaks for them in ways I can't even put into words. They are still struggling so much. They miss their daddy. They miss the little things, the familiar things, the things that used to make life feel safe and normal. They are trying to figure out how to live in a world where someone they love so much is suddenly missing from it. And as much as I want to take all that pain away from them, I can't. I can't fix this for them. I can't bring you back, no matter how badly I wish I could. All I can do is hold them, love them, and try to help them through something that none of us should ever have to go through.
We are all hurting, Jeremy. More than people probably realize. We are trying to get through the days, trying to keep going, trying to find some kind of normal in a life that doesn't feel normal anymore. But some days, we're barely holding it together. Some days, the smallest things bring us to tears. Some days, the anger takes over. And some days, all we can do is miss you and wish things were different.
I miss you in a million little ways every single day. I miss knowing you were here. I miss the comfort of having you around. I miss the life we had before everything changed. I miss the person I could talk to, the moments we shared, and all the moments we were supposed to have but will never get.
Two months ago, we lost you, but we didn't stop loving you. We didn't stop needing you. We didn't stop looking for you in the little pieces of our everyday lives. And we sure as hell haven't figured out how to live without you.
I don't know when this is supposed to get easier. Right now, it feels like the longer you're gone, the more I understand just how much we've lost. It's not getting smaller. The hole you left isn't getting easier to live with. We're just learning how to carry a pain that none of us ever wanted.
I wish I could tell you we're doing okay, but the truth is, we're not. We're trying, but we're hurting. We're missing you. We're angry, we're lost, and we're trying to figure out how to keep going in a world that should still have you in it.
Two months without you, Jeremy, and I would give anything for just one more day. One more conversation. One more hug. One more chance to tell you how much you mean to us.
We love you. We miss you. And we are still trying to figure out how to live with a loss that has changed every single one of us forever.
I hope somehow, somewhere, you know just how badly we wish you were still here. Because if loving you could have kept you here, you would have had a lifetime and then some. 💔
Two months. I honestly don't even know how that is possible. In some ways, it feels like you were just here yesterday, and in other ways, it feels like it's been a lifetime since I've seen you, talked to you, or heard your voice. And the hardest part is that I thought maybe, just maybe, this would start getting a little easier. But somehow, I'm sadder now than I was when we first lost you. It hurts more. I'm angrier. I'm more lost than I ever thought I could be.
I don't know how to explain what this kind of pain feels like. The shock has worn off, and the reality of you not being here is hitting me harder every single day. I still look for you all the time. I still catch myself expecting you to be around, expecting to see you, hear you, or find you doing something that would make me roll my eyes and smile at the same time. There are still moments when my brain forgets for just a second that you're gone, and then reality comes crashing back down, and I have to remember all over again that you're not coming home.
And God, I'm so angry. Angry that you're gone. Angry that the world keeps moving when ours feels like it has completely fallen apart. Angry that there are so many things I want to tell you, so many things I wish I could ask you, and so many moments I wish you were here for. I hate that we have to keep living through all these things without you. I hate that I can't just pick up the phone and talk to you. I hate that missing you has become a part of everything we do.
And the kids... my heart breaks for them in ways I can't even put into words. They are still struggling so much. They miss their daddy. They miss the little things, the familiar things, the things that used to make life feel safe and normal. They are trying to figure out how to live in a world where someone they love so much is suddenly missing from it. And as much as I want to take all that pain away from them, I can't. I can't fix this for them. I can't bring you back, no matter how badly I wish I could. All I can do is hold them, love them, and try to help them through something that none of us should ever have to go through.
We are all hurting, Jeremy. More than people probably realize. We are trying to get through the days, trying to keep going, trying to find some kind of normal in a life that doesn't feel normal anymore. But some days, we're barely holding it together. Some days, the smallest things bring us to tears. Some days, the anger takes over. And some days, all we can do is miss you and wish things were different.
I miss you in a million little ways every single day. I miss knowing you were here. I miss the comfort of having you around. I miss the life we had before everything changed. I miss the person I could talk to, the moments we shared, and all the moments we were supposed to have but will never get.
Two months ago, we lost you, but we didn't stop loving you. We didn't stop needing you. We didn't stop looking for you in the little pieces of our everyday lives. And we sure as hell haven't figured out how to live without you.
I don't know when this is supposed to get easier. Right now, it feels like the longer you're gone, the more I understand just how much we've lost. It's not getting smaller. The hole you left isn't getting easier to live with. We're just learning how to carry a pain that none of us ever wanted.
I wish I could tell you we're doing okay, but the truth is, we're not. We're trying, but we're hurting. We're missing you. We're angry, we're lost, and we're trying to figure out how to keep going in a world that should still have you in it.
Two months without you, Jeremy, and I would give anything for just one more day. One more conversation. One more hug. One more chance to tell you how much you mean to us.
We love you. We miss you. And we are still trying to figure out how to live with a loss that has changed every single one of us forever.
I hope somehow, somewhere, you know just how badly we wish you were still here. Because if loving you could have kept you here, you would have had a lifetime and then some. 💔
