The guilt and struggle I deal with

If I got on the bus she would still be alive.

But there are so many things that lead to why I has having a bad day.

I was hungry
I was in pain
I was tired
I was thirsty
I had to go to the restroom so bad.

All of these reasons where because of my mother.

She wouldn't let me eat breakfast
She didn't give me a drink water
She hit me many times before I went to school.
My tics and outbursts where so bad

But still all I had to do was stay calm enough to get on the bus and I couldn't.