The guilt and struggle I deal with

If I got on the bus she would still be alive.

But there are so many things that lead to why I has having a bad day.

I was hungry
I was in pain
I was tired
I was thirsty
I had to go to the restroom so bad.

All of these reasons where because of my mother.

She wouldn't let me eat breakfast
She didn't give me a drink water
She hit me many times before I went to school.
My tics and outbursts where so bad

But still all I had to do was stay calm enough to get on the bus and I couldn't.

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kodiac · 22-25, M

Guilt can be paralyzing, and usually we really aren't to blame . I dealt with true evil growing up . But at 10 years old should i have been worried more about others that would be hurt later on ? I kept quite because i didn't know what else to do . Then years later when everything came out i found out that many many kids got abused, if i had spoken up all of them would have been spared what happened to me . Do i feel guily ? Yes was it my fault ? No

Cigarguy · 41-45, M

@kodiac I just should have gotten on the bus......