Yes, having cancer has made me think about it. I try to be more focused on doing what I can do for myself to get healthy. The cancer returned and am dealing with it again. But I feel pretty darn good compared to last time. I am doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, going out shopping, and not getting winded and fatigued like before. The first time I had started chemo in October and thought I wouldn’t live to see the new year ringing in but I did. I am not scared to die. But want to stick around and see this boy, Ray’s grandson, graduate from high school this year and maybe go off to trade school and be here for when he comes home so I can feed him, help him out with laundry and other grandma things. And Ray has lung cancer too. I am motivated to help care for him, to encourage him, to help in various ways from what I’ve learned dealing with cancer the first time around. When it’s my time to go I won’t be scared, I am at peace with my mortality and know what lies beyond this early realm. I had a near-death experience at the age of 14 and it was beautiful. That experience brought me a lot of peace.
