I gotta write this down -- Also a warning
I don't remember the exact date.
But I remember the exact moment I knew something was wrong.
She had a "secret shopper" job to do at a store called "At Home".
She asked me to come with her, because the job said she could spend $25, and she wanted to share it.
On the car ride there, sitting in the passenger seat, she said her stomach felt hard lately.
I pushed on it while driving but couldn't tell a difference. To be honest, she was a tiny bit overweight, maybe 5'2" at 200lbs.
When we got out of the car, she asked me to try again.
I did. And instead of the usual "Pillsbury Doughboy" feeling, there was resistance. The stomach was extended like it would be on a large person...but couldn't be pushed in.
In her usual style, she just said maybe it was gas and tried to brush it under the rug.
It was also around that time she started regularly taking an antacid. Famotidine. Every day.
The acid reflux got so bad that she, a person who avoided doctors her whole life, went to urgent care. For the first time literally ever in my memory. She was a usually a "walk it off" type of mom.
It started with them giving her prescription antacid meds.
Didn't work.
In Jan or Feb of 2024 they started doing tests and scans.
The tests showed she had stage 4 uterine serous cancer. And it had spread to her lungs. The reason her abdomen was hard was because of a fluid build up called "ascites". They drained 8 liters from her at the hospital, the first time.
Chemo was considered and scheduled. They tried...once. It was too late. Halfway through she had some kind of reaction and her skin got flushed and it was bad enough that they wouldn't try again.
One of her final wishes was to see "The Grand Ole Opry" in Nashville Tennessee.
I booked it and other adventures there. She at least saw the Opry and tour. But the next day she said she needed to go to the ER asap.
She was in the hospital about a month.
During that time they considered surgery. It is a blur now. But my understanding was they were going to try and remove it. But they cut her open and then sewed her right back up. They said they couldn't do it. Said she was so riddled with it, that her bowels were frozen with cancer and they couldn't risk perforation.
By March, the option was....die in the hospital or at home.
My mom always said she would never forgive us if she died in a "home"/hospital.
So they set her up at my apartment. The deterioration was shocking, and shockingly fast.
From diagnosis to death was 5 months
5 months.
So this is a warning..... if you have persistent acid reflux....check that out.
There were no other signs besides acid reflux. She didn't smoke. Only drank maybe 2 miller lite cans a day. Never any hard drugs.
How can people like Steven Tyler and Willie Nelson and OZZY be alive and she isn't???
I rack my brain but can't come up with any answers. That is life....that is life... I haven't convinced myself yet. I keep trying.
I will never miss a moment of writing about my mom.
She made horrible mistakes but was also my best friend. My travel buddy and best friend. I have no clue how to live the rest of my lift without her. Normally I'd say writings like this to her. Now it's just you, SW.
But I remember the exact moment I knew something was wrong.
She had a "secret shopper" job to do at a store called "At Home".
She asked me to come with her, because the job said she could spend $25, and she wanted to share it.
On the car ride there, sitting in the passenger seat, she said her stomach felt hard lately.
I pushed on it while driving but couldn't tell a difference. To be honest, she was a tiny bit overweight, maybe 5'2" at 200lbs.
When we got out of the car, she asked me to try again.
I did. And instead of the usual "Pillsbury Doughboy" feeling, there was resistance. The stomach was extended like it would be on a large person...but couldn't be pushed in.
In her usual style, she just said maybe it was gas and tried to brush it under the rug.
It was also around that time she started regularly taking an antacid. Famotidine. Every day.
The acid reflux got so bad that she, a person who avoided doctors her whole life, went to urgent care. For the first time literally ever in my memory. She was a usually a "walk it off" type of mom.
It started with them giving her prescription antacid meds.
Didn't work.
In Jan or Feb of 2024 they started doing tests and scans.
The tests showed she had stage 4 uterine serous cancer. And it had spread to her lungs. The reason her abdomen was hard was because of a fluid build up called "ascites". They drained 8 liters from her at the hospital, the first time.
Chemo was considered and scheduled. They tried...once. It was too late. Halfway through she had some kind of reaction and her skin got flushed and it was bad enough that they wouldn't try again.
One of her final wishes was to see "The Grand Ole Opry" in Nashville Tennessee.
I booked it and other adventures there. She at least saw the Opry and tour. But the next day she said she needed to go to the ER asap.
She was in the hospital about a month.
During that time they considered surgery. It is a blur now. But my understanding was they were going to try and remove it. But they cut her open and then sewed her right back up. They said they couldn't do it. Said she was so riddled with it, that her bowels were frozen with cancer and they couldn't risk perforation.
By March, the option was....die in the hospital or at home.
My mom always said she would never forgive us if she died in a "home"/hospital.
So they set her up at my apartment. The deterioration was shocking, and shockingly fast.
From diagnosis to death was 5 months
5 months.
So this is a warning..... if you have persistent acid reflux....check that out.
There were no other signs besides acid reflux. She didn't smoke. Only drank maybe 2 miller lite cans a day. Never any hard drugs.
How can people like Steven Tyler and Willie Nelson and OZZY be alive and she isn't???
I rack my brain but can't come up with any answers. That is life....that is life... I haven't convinced myself yet. I keep trying.
I will never miss a moment of writing about my mom.
She made horrible mistakes but was also my best friend. My travel buddy and best friend. I have no clue how to live the rest of my lift without her. Normally I'd say writings like this to her. Now it's just you, SW.
36-40, F
