I have a lot of the same feelings about losing Vickie except unlike your mom it was her heart and slow coming. Grief is a personal experience for each of us. I have experienced a lot of loss including my entire family friends and coworkers but none were as painful as losing Vickie. My mom was the most next painful but the grief subsided much faster. Part of me still feels the same as I did when I left Vickie behind at the hospital.
Write everyday if you have to. Those feelings need a path. Many here I know understand whether they reply or not. They hear you as do I .

Im sorry for your loss, at least your mom got to go to a good hospital and had a chance to get better before she passed, at least you got to find out the reason her life ended.

I live in a 3rd world country and my Dad had to die from appendicitis in a horror-movie type public hospital, an under-funded public government hospital, because he couldn't afford medical insurance.

And the doctors attended to him too late because they are under staffed, over-worked and the corrupt state allows medical negligence to thrive due to lack of accountability or governance, i.e staff are not paid enough money to care as public med budget from tax funding goes to politicians who steal it via tenderpreneuring etc

So my dad had to die from blood poisoning (we have to assume because the medical report just said " cause of death: appendix" ) - after they eventually operated, after surgeons got threatened with lawyers by our family friend who is a doctor.

So at least your mom got good medi-care before she passed.

I was deeply touched by what you've written here. May your wonderful mom RIP dear! 🙏

I am so sorry 🥀

This is heartbreaking. May she rest in peace and may your heart heal. 🥹

Lesson learned