No, you are not an ass.
Grief is a result of many things and we all feel it in different ways.
The grief hit me hard about my father when I was at the funeral and I 'covered' him as they call it. In covering him, I touched his chin and the reality of his death hit me. But it wasn't his death that hit me hard, it was the fact that we hadn't seen each other in years and we never reconciled or had a heart to heart talk to understand each other. I am like him and learned to hold my feelings inside and not show them and not talk about them. We were never told he was sick so none of us had a chance to talk with him or see him before he died.
I lost my mom but not being able to go to her funeral is probably why the grief is subtle and difficult to define or feel. But I was able to talk to her the night before she passed.
I haven't lost any friends as in death, but I've had many where we lose touch and never see again. I don't grieve. It is just part of life and I accept the loss. I think I would feel the same if I found out someone I had been close with died. It might sound cold but it is just how I process things.
