How does grief evolve/change over the years?

I’ve lost a few people in recent years. I’m still pretty young, though. I sometimes wonder how my feelings will change over time. Like, my dad for example. Currently, I am someone whose dad has been around for ~basically~ all their life, except the past couple years. When I’m 60, I will have spent 50% of my life without my dad. I know I'm lucky to have gotten the time I did, but it's still a surreal thought. I don’t know if this is making sense to anyone but me haha. It just feels like such a deep change in my identity.

The other thing is I feel disbelief over how long it has been since these people have died. The first one was 5 years ago, but it feels so much more recent. My feelings about it have honestly only gotten stronger. I’m not thinking about it as frequently, but when I do I feel so much more. I dunno if that’s normal.

Anyway. I’m not looking for sympathy or anything. I’m fine- it’s just how life goes. I’m mainly curious about what other people’s experiences have been.

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being · 36-40, F

For me it's been the 10years milestone that's been completely liberating. Wasn't a parent though... But the only boyfriend I stayed with and lived with for about 5 years.
I haven't manage to hold any relationship other than one more, that lasted about 3 years..
The mark it's left has been tremendous. Though nowadays I define different reasons as to why I'm not making it in love, other than grief.

It can still happen that I cry about him but the frequency is really nothing noticeable. It's almost over, it never is, but the bardo, the ripples are lesser in such a degree that it's almost unnoticeable.

Sylphrena · 31-35

@being That must be very difficult to lose a partner you're sharing your life with. I think the shock of that would really get me.

being · 36-40, F

@Sylphrena it got me too. I was there watching him die and later on getting buried.
It haunted me. But I was a mess already before that so in a way, this incident acted as a catapult to help me toward realising myself, of how I need healing, seeing very later on my toxic traits, along with my beauty of course and all.

Death has this tremendous transformational potential. Is an energy that's completely burning out, clearing and cleansing but indeed takes some time for the ashes to settle down.

Sylphrena · 31-35

@being wow, that's a beautiful way of looking at things. I've never thought much about the transformational potential of death before. Thanks for your comment, it's been very insightful

being · 36-40, F

@Sylphrena thank you too...I like talking about it but not all want to hear that and I understand that as well 🙉

Sylphrena · 31-35

@being I understand too, but I do wish it were more common for people to talk candidly about these things. It's something everyone goes through eventually. Being able to share is nice.