Unanswered questions
Did you know you were dying?
How long did your morning and bedtime alarms go off on your phone and iPad before their batteries died?
Did you really die of liver cirrhosis? Or is that just what they said because your sister said you drink?
If I wasn't a monster daughter would it have been easier to stop drinking? I said so many horrible things and you were doing your best. I should have helped you while you struggled but I was so mad about how it affected me
Did you really drink that much? I do have memories of you drunk. But eventually I thought you were just tripping because you were clumsy. I'm clumsy and I thought I got it from you. I thought I'd get clumsier as I grew older
Were you drunk when you fell off the ladder in the garage? Or are you just clumsy?
I'm a bad person if you were drunk and I thought it was normal. And I'm a bad person if you're were sober and I look back and am unsure
Did you feel yourself dying? Or were you so used to suffering you didn't know how bad it was?
Were you afraid to seek help?
Were you trying to seek help but I failed to recognize? Even though I noticed things, like you being in bed when I came to do laundry, I failed to realize what exactly it meant
Were you afraid of how expensive the hospital would have been?
Im afraid you didn't die from alcohol and it's how people will think you died and all these moments where I'm wondering if you were drunk you were actually sober and I'm a bad daughter for not being able to tell
I saw a sobriety app on your phone after you died. You hadn't used it. But just because you didn't log in information doesn't mean you didn't try. You downloaded the app after all, which would have been a massive step. When did you download it?
Were you showing symptoms when I came over a week before it happened? If I checked on you (like I kept thinking to) when you said you'd be in bed would I have noticed?
The week leading up to your death I thought over and over every day to text you and I didn't. If I did would I have noticed you're not well? Would things have been different? You might have felt a little happier before you died at least, getting a pic of your favorite dog in his booster seat before our life changing road trip that you didn't even know I went on because I wanted to tell you after and you died the day after I got back. Stuffed animals you gave me were in the background of the pic I wanted to send you. If I sent it, like I thought to, would you have noticed them? Your sister did when I showed her the picture
How did you make chicken stuff?
Your eggs benedict is better than any restaurant (not a question. A fact.)
You said once you don't know where my adhd comes from. Did you mean that? Cause girl it's obviously from you lol
How much of your life did you want to share with me but you didn't because I didn't ask? I know so little about you
Did you think you would live forever? I thought you would live forever. I wanted you to live with me when you were old
Do you know I love you? I was so busy telling everyone else how much I love my mama but I didn't tell you. Did I tell you when we talked on the phone on my way over a week before you died?
Did you feel lonely?
Do you know I have Bubba, and your twin has Bathtub? Has Bubba always crawled into cabinets or did he only start that at this house?
What's your favorite color? I think of yellow and purple when I think of you but I'm afraid those are wrong
Were you straight? I'm not sure if I am. I'm not sure if you were either
What's your favorite song? I remember how you sang "jitter bug" and I remember "pumped up kicks" and how we thought it said "running from the buckets" while it played on the radio as we drove to a second/third GameStop trying to find my Pokemon Mystery Dungeon DS game
Do you know how sorry I am?
What's your iPad password? I can't figure it out, I can only guess your 4 digit code and lockscreen pattern. I want to check on your games, I want to play on your farm
You ordered Greek the night you died and your delivery guy didn't deliver it because you put in the wrong address. Probably because you were dying. Are you sad you didn't get your gyro? Because I'm certain that's what you ordered
I have some of your animals ashes.. Teddy.. Delcy.. and ???. I was a baby when you had them. I have a picture with you with all of them in my wallet
Are you sad you're still in a bag in my closet? Nothing I can find online is good enough for your ashes
Are you sad my brother and I aren't close? I'm sorry. I'm sure we would be had I not been a nightmare
Did you like the stew i made?
Are you sad you never met my boyfriends? You met one and seemed sad it took so long to meet him even though dad did. I didn't care what he thought of them but I cared what you thought and I knew they weren't good relationships
Did you miss me when I moved out and we couldn't walk to eachothers rooms and show eachother silly videos? I do
What was that cat song you liked? It blew up on reddit I think years ago. They were meowing something real catchy
How long did your morning and bedtime alarms go off on your phone and iPad before their batteries died?
Did you really die of liver cirrhosis? Or is that just what they said because your sister said you drink?
If I wasn't a monster daughter would it have been easier to stop drinking? I said so many horrible things and you were doing your best. I should have helped you while you struggled but I was so mad about how it affected me
Did you really drink that much? I do have memories of you drunk. But eventually I thought you were just tripping because you were clumsy. I'm clumsy and I thought I got it from you. I thought I'd get clumsier as I grew older
Were you drunk when you fell off the ladder in the garage? Or are you just clumsy?
I'm a bad person if you were drunk and I thought it was normal. And I'm a bad person if you're were sober and I look back and am unsure
Did you feel yourself dying? Or were you so used to suffering you didn't know how bad it was?
Were you afraid to seek help?
Were you trying to seek help but I failed to recognize? Even though I noticed things, like you being in bed when I came to do laundry, I failed to realize what exactly it meant
Were you afraid of how expensive the hospital would have been?
Im afraid you didn't die from alcohol and it's how people will think you died and all these moments where I'm wondering if you were drunk you were actually sober and I'm a bad daughter for not being able to tell
I saw a sobriety app on your phone after you died. You hadn't used it. But just because you didn't log in information doesn't mean you didn't try. You downloaded the app after all, which would have been a massive step. When did you download it?
Were you showing symptoms when I came over a week before it happened? If I checked on you (like I kept thinking to) when you said you'd be in bed would I have noticed?
The week leading up to your death I thought over and over every day to text you and I didn't. If I did would I have noticed you're not well? Would things have been different? You might have felt a little happier before you died at least, getting a pic of your favorite dog in his booster seat before our life changing road trip that you didn't even know I went on because I wanted to tell you after and you died the day after I got back. Stuffed animals you gave me were in the background of the pic I wanted to send you. If I sent it, like I thought to, would you have noticed them? Your sister did when I showed her the picture
How did you make chicken stuff?
Your eggs benedict is better than any restaurant (not a question. A fact.)
You said once you don't know where my adhd comes from. Did you mean that? Cause girl it's obviously from you lol
How much of your life did you want to share with me but you didn't because I didn't ask? I know so little about you
Did you think you would live forever? I thought you would live forever. I wanted you to live with me when you were old
Do you know I love you? I was so busy telling everyone else how much I love my mama but I didn't tell you. Did I tell you when we talked on the phone on my way over a week before you died?
Did you feel lonely?
Do you know I have Bubba, and your twin has Bathtub? Has Bubba always crawled into cabinets or did he only start that at this house?
What's your favorite color? I think of yellow and purple when I think of you but I'm afraid those are wrong
Were you straight? I'm not sure if I am. I'm not sure if you were either
What's your favorite song? I remember how you sang "jitter bug" and I remember "pumped up kicks" and how we thought it said "running from the buckets" while it played on the radio as we drove to a second/third GameStop trying to find my Pokemon Mystery Dungeon DS game
Do you know how sorry I am?
What's your iPad password? I can't figure it out, I can only guess your 4 digit code and lockscreen pattern. I want to check on your games, I want to play on your farm
You ordered Greek the night you died and your delivery guy didn't deliver it because you put in the wrong address. Probably because you were dying. Are you sad you didn't get your gyro? Because I'm certain that's what you ordered
I have some of your animals ashes.. Teddy.. Delcy.. and ???. I was a baby when you had them. I have a picture with you with all of them in my wallet
Are you sad you're still in a bag in my closet? Nothing I can find online is good enough for your ashes
Are you sad my brother and I aren't close? I'm sorry. I'm sure we would be had I not been a nightmare
Did you like the stew i made?
Are you sad you never met my boyfriends? You met one and seemed sad it took so long to meet him even though dad did. I didn't care what he thought of them but I cared what you thought and I knew they weren't good relationships
Did you miss me when I moved out and we couldn't walk to eachothers rooms and show eachother silly videos? I do
What was that cat song you liked? It blew up on reddit I think years ago. They were meowing something real catchy
