A strange request

My dad killed himself when i was 13. I made the 911 call, i talked to the responders, i waited in the police car for (what felt like) hours. The past few years curiosity is eating at me. Every time i see someones 911 call on tiktok or bodycam footage or cop car footage, i wonder if mines out there. Some twisted part of me wants to see it. Ive done light googling but never got far