For people whose parents are deceased
For people whose parents are deceased, which one(s) passed away? How did your life change from when they were alive and what do you miss about them ?
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blackarcher256 · 61-69, M
Both are gone.
My dad was my best friend. He was wise about so many things and skilled about so many things…things that he passed on to me….carpentry, repair of anything mechanical, the love of books, music…learning, and to be a seeker of knowledge. He was above all else a good man and human being. When I had a problem I was wrestling with, I could always count on him for sage advice. I miss that now, especially over the last few years with the rough, lonely, road I’ve found myself on.
My mom, was the softer gentler influence in my life. She never let me leave the house without giving me a hug and kiss, and telling me she loved me. She made me a me a better human being. My world lost much of its warmth when she passed. She used to call me every Sunday morning before leaving for church, and even now….almost 40 years after her death….i still wake up in anticipation of her call, hearing her voice.
Im luckier than most who have lost their parents. Although mine are gone, and have been for many years, I still feel their presence when I need them most.
My dad was my best friend. He was wise about so many things and skilled about so many things…things that he passed on to me….carpentry, repair of anything mechanical, the love of books, music…learning, and to be a seeker of knowledge. He was above all else a good man and human being. When I had a problem I was wrestling with, I could always count on him for sage advice. I miss that now, especially over the last few years with the rough, lonely, road I’ve found myself on.
My mom, was the softer gentler influence in my life. She never let me leave the house without giving me a hug and kiss, and telling me she loved me. She made me a me a better human being. My world lost much of its warmth when she passed. She used to call me every Sunday morning before leaving for church, and even now….almost 40 years after her death….i still wake up in anticipation of her call, hearing her voice.
Im luckier than most who have lost their parents. Although mine are gone, and have been for many years, I still feel their presence when I need them most.
@blackarcher256 You were truly blessed. 😊❤️❤️❤️❤️😊
blackarcher256 · 61-69, M
@Musicman I was. I didn’t always appreciate how much. But, the more I learn about other people’s lives, their struggles with their parents…or absence of parents, I realize just how truly blessed I was. Even though we were poor, and life was hard, there was always a roof over my head, food on the table, and I was loved.
@blackarcher256 My mom was fabulous, but sadly I didn't have a great relationship with my dad. Never in my entire life did he ever say he loved me.
blackarcher256 · 61-69, M
@Musicman I’m glad you had a great mom, and sorry you didn’t get on well with your dad. With him, it could have been his generation. My dad never told me loved me until very late in life… I was in my 30’s….nor was he ever physically demonstrative. But he has born in 1914, and was 20 years older than mom. Men of that generation, were expected to be stoic…the strong silent type. My dad was very much that way, as were all the men I knew of his generation. My dad’s love was always expressed in other ways….spending time with me, teaching me the things he knew……sharing his favorite books and music with me.
When my parent split up….I chose to stay with him because he was older and had no other living family besides me and my sisters. I feared for him and didn’t want him to be alone. The day my mom left…I was standing in the driveway crying as she left. My dad put his hand on my shoulder, told me to get all my crying done now, because I was a man now and men don’t cry. With that, he left me and walked back in the house. We never spoke of that day again….and I never saw him cry.
The why of it with your dad is unknowable now, and that a hard thing. But I hope you have some good memories of him. If you do, treasure them and hold on to them. Let that be what you remember.
When my parent split up….I chose to stay with him because he was older and had no other living family besides me and my sisters. I feared for him and didn’t want him to be alone. The day my mom left…I was standing in the driveway crying as she left. My dad put his hand on my shoulder, told me to get all my crying done now, because I was a man now and men don’t cry. With that, he left me and walked back in the house. We never spoke of that day again….and I never saw him cry.
The why of it with your dad is unknowable now, and that a hard thing. But I hope you have some good memories of him. If you do, treasure them and hold on to them. Let that be what you remember.
@blackarcher256 I am sorry your parents split up. Did you stay in touch with her?
blackarcher256 · 61-69, M
@Musicman Thanks….For the first few years, our contact was minimal. She was hurt and angry about my choice to stay with my Dad. But things changed after my Dad had a near fatal car accident and became disabled. I never called her when happened. But was forced to when a neighbor got wise to the fact i was living by myself and had been for a couple of months…I was 13. The neighbor gave me a choice, call my mom or she’d call Children’s Services.
That changed everything. Mom was furious, when she found out. It really shook her up, but it opened the door for us have a conversation about my choice. After that i started spending my summers with her. She became terminally ill from cancer when I was 27. I look a leave of absence from my job and took care of her for that last 4 months of her life. That’s when we really became close. As terrible as it was, knowing that her death was imminent and every minute might be her last, we were able to talk to each other with no obfuscation…no artifice….no evasion. That was gift beyond measure. Our love for one another grew stronger.
One of the last things she ever said to me was….A mother’s love for her son is forever. When you need me…need to feel my love for you…..just close your eyes and call for me with your heart and mind….and I will be there. She died shortly after. But I never forgot those words, and at the lowest points in my life I have done just that. Whether its wishful thinking….or just my minds imagining…..I have felt her.
That changed everything. Mom was furious, when she found out. It really shook her up, but it opened the door for us have a conversation about my choice. After that i started spending my summers with her. She became terminally ill from cancer when I was 27. I look a leave of absence from my job and took care of her for that last 4 months of her life. That’s when we really became close. As terrible as it was, knowing that her death was imminent and every minute might be her last, we were able to talk to each other with no obfuscation…no artifice….no evasion. That was gift beyond measure. Our love for one another grew stronger.
One of the last things she ever said to me was….A mother’s love for her son is forever. When you need me…need to feel my love for you…..just close your eyes and call for me with your heart and mind….and I will be there. She died shortly after. But I never forgot those words, and at the lowest points in my life I have done just that. Whether its wishful thinking….or just my minds imagining…..I have felt her.
@blackarcher256 You sound like a Christian. May the Lord watch over and bless you 🙏🙂
@blackarcher256 Hi :) I may i ask you something? Im looking for opinions :) but i dont want to ask it here as a replay that anyone can see coz some people might make fun of me. Would appreciate it if youll send me a message so i can replay you with my question (coz for some reason i can't message first). Thanx :)