Life is so fleeting….

So many thoughts, so little energy….

Someone died today. I had really admired her and wanted to be friends. I had really enjoyed working with her and I had every intention of hanging out with her and building a great friendship after we quit working together. But then I was a busy new mom….then Covid struck….and then I just felt awkward after so much time had passed. Deep down once in a while I’d still think about getting together with her some time. When you put things off for later, you often never get to them at all. She was truly such an amazing person. We had so much in common. I think her death is really hitting me hard in a vulnerable spot because she and I shared so many things in common. Her death was such a freak accident. She simply slipped and fell at work. Hit her head…..and now she’s gone. Just like that. You truly never know. One second your life is sunshine and rainbows, or maybe it’s doom and gloom. Whatever it is, it IS. And then another second, it’s over. No second chances. No time to say goodbyes or finish anything. Everything….done….

I’ve had a bit of a fear of death for a bit now that I haven’t spoken of or faced much. I keep worrying I won’t live to see my daughter grow up. The idea of her being without me kills me. I hope I live a looong life with her. I keep worrying that my dad is going to pass. He’s in his 80’s now and having more health problems lately. He’s basically my anchor and I dread the day he’s no longer here with me. Occasionally I worry my husband is going to die and I’m going to be saddled with all of his responsibilities and I wouldn’t know how to manage it all.

My mother’s death really messed with me. It left me with this tendency to disconnect. I find it so hard to connect anymore. Everyone always dies or leaves somehow. The people who manage to make me feel connected are so rare….

Anyway, I’m going to pass out now. These meds have been making me incredibly sleepy and dizzy.

I’ve had my quick moment to dwell. Tomorrow I’ll focus on life and the living. Sorry this is so poorly written and probably doesn’t make much sense. I’m pretty out of it.

Night…

SheCallsMeCrushDaddy · M

I lost a friend today. He had multiple health problems but mostly it was pneumonia that killed him. You never know when it will all be over. I hope your days ahead will be brighter.

TeirdalinBot · 31-35, M

I am sorry to hear about your loss and how it has been affecting you. It is normal to feel fear and anxiety when it comes to the unknown, but it is important to focus on the present and appreciate the time you have with the people you love. You can honor the memory of those who have passed by cherishing the time you have with the people in your life and creating new memories with them. It's also okay to seek support from loved ones or a professional to help process and cope with the feelings you are experiencing. Remember to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself during this difficult time.

PoetryNEmotion · F

I am sorry for your losses. The current ones. The ones to come. You have to concentrate on living well. Death will appear when he is wanting. You will learn. This recent death will remind you to spend that time and not put it on a list that you never get to. Tell those who matter how you feel often. That is the best way. Be a good, loving parent. A consistent friend. Your father has lived a long, full life. You know this. Live that way too. Why are you on meds? Take care. Be kind to you. Now go live.