Growing up and even into adulthood I hated being native American

Well I'm also mexican because of my father but mexicans are also mixed with native american a lot of the time. I wasn't proud of it growing up. I didn't see anything great about it either. I'm from Sacramento and didn't come from a reservation but I have family that did so I can't speak about reservations. Plus the stereotype of being drunks, wise shamans or savages isn't great either. However I did have a long storied relationship with alcohol so I ended up proving that one true but I'm fine now. I've had people assume that I get special privileges too. Oh yeah like what? Sure I can go to college for free and I probably should have taken that advantage but beyond that I'm just as screwed over as anyone else. If there were any real advantages my life would have been far easier than it has been.

I used to wish I was white all the time growing up. Sometimes I still wish I was because those thoughts never fully left me. I didn't want to be brown. At least I'm being honest admitting this out loud. Then again I see people like my mom who will be 96 this year who is proud of who she is. Heck even my older sisters are proud. My oldest sister has a small wooden sign in her front room window that says native american and proud. Me? I just don't feel comfortable displaying that.