Growing up and even into adulthood I hated being native American

Well I'm also mexican because of my father but mexicans are also mixed with native american a lot of the time. I wasn't proud of it growing up. I didn't see anything great about it either. I'm from Sacramento and didn't come from a reservation but I have family that did so I can't speak about reservations. Plus the stereotype of being drunks, wise shamans or savages isn't great either. However I did have a long storied relationship with alcohol so I ended up proving that one true but I'm fine now. I've had people assume that I get special privileges too. Oh yeah like what? Sure I can go to college for free and I probably should have taken that advantage but beyond that I'm just as screwed over as anyone else. If there were any real advantages my life would have been far easier than it has been.

I used to wish I was white all the time growing up. Sometimes I still wish I was because those thoughts never fully left me. I didn't want to be brown. At least I'm being honest admitting this out loud. Then again I see people like my mom who will be 96 this year who is proud of who she is. Heck even my older sisters are proud. My oldest sister has a small wooden sign in her front room window that says native american and proud. Me? I just don't feel comfortable displaying that.

Top | New | Old

Iwillwait · M

Cherish your Heritage my man, you come from Great Stock!

Astro · 56-60, M

@Iwillwait i can't remember the tribe name I'd have to ask my mother or sisters

GoFish ·

i used to hate being asian when i was younger but i came to terms with it some years ago after watching chinese shows and programs .. ☺ some groups can have negative stereotypes of others but not everything is bad.. there's probably nice aspects to every culture group and people who aren't haters of themselves or others as well.. negativity is detrimental in general

can you still go to university now or is there an age limit to it?

Astro · 56-60, M

@GoFish How come you hated being asian? Eh I'm not so sure I'm 61 in june i don't see the point in going at my age

GoFish ·

@Astro oh i see idk just negative impact i guess not sure where it came from .. yeah 60 is nearing retirement age i guess.. sigh

SwampFlower · 31-35, F

I felt like this too as a kid and even into my twenties and then something shifted so that I could feel the disconnect. That feeling kept getting heavier until I decided I needed to reestablish a connection with my community, which has brought a lot of comfort and clarity for me.

We all must walk our own paths, though. I hope that you can find peace within yourself.

Astro · 56-60, M

@SwampFlower You're native also? How did you reconnect

greensnacks · F

You should definitely honor that. There aren't many left unfortunately. And the fact you think you have "privileges" it's sad because they made you think this.
It's called Reparations or Compensatory Justice and it's not even 0.0000000001% of what needs to be repaired.

Your mom is honoring her heritage and she's inspiring other natives to be do the same and not hide a culture that has been done so much injustice and was suffocated for such a long time.

I hope you can find your path and unapologetically be who you are.

I see it like this-all of previous ancestors have existed just so I can be here today.

Astro · 56-60, M

@greensnacks That's true I'm here because my ancestors survived. My mom is very big into all of that. Heck she didn't let us watch Peter pan because she didn't like how they portrayed natives.

Zonuss · 46-50, M

This is the effects of colorism in your community.

Astro · 56-60, M

@Zonuss I can get very tan

Add a comment...