I Have a Confession

I know it makes no sense to say, but I cannot stand who I am.  I have engaged in self-loathing and self-doubt for my whole adult life, as far back as I can remember.  I see fear, weakness, moral timidity, and dishonesty when I look in the mirror.  I can rationalize that I can't be as bad as all that, but beyond that moment of rationalization, I am emotional angered by myself all over again.  I can't really understand it, and don't know how to get over it.