I Have a Confession
It was completely against my character and moral to have made out with my friend and not tell my boyfriend until a week later. I understand why my boyfriend doesn't ever want me to see or talk to him again, because he believes that it will only happen again. He can't live that way, not being able to trust me again. That is why I am not that way. That is why I've never been that way. I'm one of the most trusting and honest people anyone will ever meet, which is why it was so hard for me to live with what I did. It had to come out into the open because I wasn't able to keep the weight on my shoulders. It has come down to me having to make a choice, and I am horrible at making choices, so I usually try to run from them. My boyfriend wants me to cut contact with someone I've known half my life, because I made one mistake...but he wants me to cut it for the reason that if I keep talking to this person it will never be just a friendship, and it will ruin the relationship more than it already has. But if I do, then I lose this person forever. If I don't, I lose a man who does love me, even though he shows it in weird subtle ways. He hates cliches, so he doesn't like to do traditional over done stuff. He doesn't like spending money on me either, because he's naturally frugel. He told me that he would pay the apartment's lease in full if I don't cut off contact, and leave me alone there while we try to find different places to live. All of this has gone way too fast. It is so sudden and so shocking that I would have to scramble to get my act together and find a place. I've never lived on my own before, and it would be experience that I need...but I'm not even sure if I could get a place with my credit. Last I checked, I have little or no credit to my name. I'm at child status when it comes to that, at age 31 going on 32. I need time to think, but I'm not being given that. I need space, but it could kill the relationship. And I'm afraid when all of this is done that I'll end up alone...and scared. I'm already scared, and don't know what to do. I can't go back to live with my mom. I already know that story. I just can't and won't.