I Have a Confession

Is it breaking up if the other half of a couple leaves to live somewhere else? I'm thinking of trying to live on my own with one of those 6 month leases, just to see what it's like. But he may not approve. Though, he has been talking about teaching me how to pay bills online. I need to know anyway in case something ever happened and I had to survive. Another reason I'm thinking of being on my own for a while is that we can't talk to each other anymore without bringing up the same situation. It's hurting us, so I think it's time that I gave both of us some air. Talking about it all the time and going around in circles is not solving anything. I'm stressed and crying all the time. We need time to think more clearly. I don't want to make things more complicated than they already are, so I just have to do what I think is best. It will be so tough if I decide to do this, but it's not out of the question. I'm scared because I've never done it before. This is why a 6 month lease is the better choice. And it has to be cheap...dirt cheap, but not run down and dumpy with crime all over the place. I need to experience what it is to have to keep my head above water.

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PoisonLace · 41-45, F

Of course, there is a process to all of this. I can't just leave. And nothing says I can't work things out while staying. I just don't think I can handle always being in the same conversation anymore. It's a broken record. So I think I'm just getting over this whole thing. I may not have anything else to confess. And maybe things will get more simple once I know exactly what it is that needs to be done. First off, I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. As in, how I want to live it. There are supposed opportunities out there where I can make money and friends without having to struggle for it...without even have gone to school. Am I right?? And I have to just keep myself occupied. Second, I need to apologize. I need to make sure that whoever I've hurt is going to be okay. We must forgive. There is no right way of doing this. I have to also distance myself from the problems and come to terms with the situation for myself without anyone involved. If it gets to the point where I have to live on my own for good because of this mess, then the relationship wasn't as strong as we thought it was. 7 years is a long time. Someone just got through telling me they marveled at the relationship...I guess that's a compliment. Of course, they haven't seen behind closed doors exactly how things have been playing out for the past year, but when they have seen us it's looked pleasant. But as far as the other person who entered my life and mind, I want him to know that no matter what happens I am here. I am still here and you know where to find me. Even though things never went far between us, I am still your friend. If you decide that it's best to sort things out without me in the way, then that's what you should do. It's not something I want, but I think we both have some sorting out to do, and it was wrong for me to have allowed you to get involved with the situation. I have hurt you and your possibility of being happy. And know that I never planned for it to turn out the way it did. I got wrapped up in the moment. I'm as imperfect as they come. I appreciate the effort you put in trying to help me, and that will never go unacknowledged. I also appreciate your friendship and the way you always make me smile. Don't ever forget that.