Is it normal or weird?

Since my moms passing over 2 weeks ago that’s all I have been posting here.

I have been recently noticing that I have been angry and yelling as I am mad and sad and angry. I want break things and yell from the top of my lungs. I only yell inside my pillow and hit myself instead because I am mad and don’t want to break things in my home? Am I crazy is this normal to grieve this way or am losing my shit?

. I am angry that my mom suffered a lot. I am angry that she never lived the life she deserved. I am angry that some of my siblings put her through the worst. I am angry that she was embarrassed of her skin color. I am angry that she never felt beautiful. I am angry about so many things. I just wish she was here. No matter how much I tried to tried to be the best daughter and not give her shit like some of my siblings did, I just feel like I didn’t do enough. I wish I had the money to help her more than what I did help her with. I wish I would have visited her more. Although I called her every week almost every day I feel like I didn’t do enough and I am angry because I wish she was here so I can talk to her. I know she is not suffering anymore but I just miss her.

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Baconrind · 36-40, M

It might have been her time but it is never the right time to lose someone. It sucks and it hurts and people will flood you with bs like everything happens for a reason but the truth is that sometimes there isn't a reason or a lesson. Nothing is normal about grief. I was standing over my dads grave on Sunday evening just thinking how weird it is that people think standing over a rotting corpse helps them.

You can be angry. You can break things. You can scream until you lose your voice. Don't let anyone feel like you can't be yourself or grieve in your way. Just make sure you understand the difference between guilt and shame. It is okay to feel guilty about something because you are focusing on the action, but when you feel shame, you focus on the person. Do not shame yourself. Could have you done better? Sure. Does that make you lesser? No. Not at all. We are at our best on any given moment. So let it out; don't hold it in to yourself