I just wish I could go to my parents for wisdom.

Sadly, I can't. They don't have anything wise to say. Like. Not a thing. I don't know who to go to for advice. It sucks man. Trying to figure things out on my own. Imagine being parented by them since childhood. Mama beat me up in front of the whole school because her anger couldn't wait. All my parents talked about was NOTHING. I can't learn wisdom from the two people who only talk about their problems, and never about the possibility of solutions. Just empty conversations. Again and again. Everyday on repeat, from waking up to going to sleep. Same old. 30 years and nothing has changed. They have nothing to add, except for more irrational fears.

I am a stupid woman. It does not get any worse than this. My coworkers make sure I'm reminded of that every single day. I wish I was wise. My genes run too strong. I don't know what's right and what's wrong. I have poor forethought and poor foresight and narrow vision of social politics. I'm an extremely nearsighted person. Absolutely stupid. I'm a laughingstock.
I wish I was wise.
I don't even want to be a parent because I don't want to repeat history. I have nothing to offer, just like my parents.