Well wasn't this a ride.

Now I'm back to the baseline.
I probably should never have thought I can surf higher than my chronic record.
I just don't deserve love. I feel I never will. My mind is too fu.cked up. I just want to be normal. Idk what got into me to make me so hopeful. Hope is a toxic thing. It makes us delusional. It makes us think that the cuckoo-est things are possible. Hope just sets us up for disappointment. This is why I'm a realist. Idk why I hoped for a short while. I shouldn't have. Maybe one thing going right in life doesn't mean everything will finally fall in place. Some things just don't change. And it's probably for the best. I think I'm more comfortable in my reality than I am in any kind of hope.