I still remember.

I remember a lot of things. I remember things that make me feel I could have been a different person.

Right now, I need to leave the house, or else I might do something I'll regret later. The devil keeps giving me ideas.

The devil is real. He sometimes gets in our heads and makes us self destructive.
Other times he finds home inside those around us to destroy us.

I swear he was the devil himself. I swear I swear I swear. He was a pathological liar. He manipulated everyone and everything. He used to mix lies in everything he would say. He would make you believe the most absurd things. He would morph into an entirely different person around different people. It's like he was....fluid. He was despicable. He abused me emotionally and mentally and made me believe it was safe to let him touch me, then turned me into a laughingstock.

I used to self harm in med school when it got really stressful at a point. It never got better. Only worse.

I suddenly want to self harm so bad I swearrrree I need to leave the damn house or it's going to turn into a viscous cycle once again. Everyone hates me. I failed at life. I'm so tired of myself. I worked so so so so hard to get here. I'm 30 and still failed to get out of this stupid house. Just to want to escape it all and die.

I just want to go for a goddamn walk. Jesus fcking christ.