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I wrote this. I changed one line. Please tell me what you think.

LIFE
No matter what hand you are dealt in Life
May it be disease, poverty or others causing you grief or mourning the loss of loved ones
Hold your head high and smile
Take Life by the horns and move right though
Don't let Life take you down or get you down
Knowing you have people that do care about you
Take each day by day knowing it is a new day and make the most of it.


No matter what hand you are dealt in Life
May it be disease, poverty or others causing you grief or mourning the loss of loved ones
Hold your head high and smile
Go forth and embrace Life knowing you have people that do care about you
Don't let Life take you down or get you down
Take each day by day knowing it is a new day and make the most of it.
Heartlander · 80-89, M Best Comment
Wonderful creed.

I think it's important to (gently) admonish those who try to devalue others. Like references to "trailer trash" or "flipping hamburgers", or references to "retard" or "stupid". Everyone has value that doesn't relate to IQ or the size of their paycheck.

Serenitree · F
I prefer the top version. Take life by the horns is a more powerful statement.

Apr. 19/17
9:22 am
EDT
KaysHealingPath · 36-40, F
I think the second one is better. As a mother currently experiencing the grief of losing my babies there are some things you just can't "move through"
"Move on" or "get over" you simply learn to live with the new reality.
Rollercoaster97 · 51-55, F
@Tristemuneca: I'm truly sorry for your loss. I wrote this one because I had a friend just lose her brother. So I was trying to be comforting. If you need to talk you can message me.
KaysHealingPath · 36-40, F
@Rollercoaster97: thank you, but I think the best thing you can do to comfort someone you can about in their time of grief is say nothing, just open your heart and your arms, and hug them tight and tell them you understand. (And truly try and understand)
Also remember empathize don't sympathize.
[media=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw]
AnukBinary · M
I dig this kind of activities. thank you for sharing.

I personally like both and would mix those lines together.
AwakenEdge · 51-55, F
Very uplifting.
Rollercoaster97 · 51-55, F
@AwakenEdge: which one do I like better?
AwakenEdge · 51-55, F
@Rollercoaster97: The first paragraph
es0tericus · 26-30
The 2nd one seems better, brings about a greater sense of control regarding the future as the term 'life' isn't treated as something beyond yourself.
Aaronfunn · 46-50, M
Great poem. I think the second one is my favorite. The strongest statements can be made with less words.
Rollercoaster97 · 51-55, F
@Aaronfunn: thank you 🤗😊
Myself11 · 61-69, M
Very well said thanks for sharing this with us and you know I will always be in your corner
SW-User
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Rollercoaster97 · 51-55, F
@which one do u like better?

 
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