Mother’s Day Blues

Mother’s Day…

As a woman with no child and who has been yearning for one for a very long time, Mother’s Day is a day that sometimes makes me feel small and incomplete.

A few years ago, my soon to be ex-husband (separated for 2 years) shouted at me, “You will never be a mother or fit to be a mother.”

There were a few times when I had vivid dreams of holding my baby. It felt so real. I could feel the baby’s skin. Holding and hugging him/her… and when the dream slowly faded away, I would try so hard to hold on to it, trying to “catch” that baby in my dream. But then I would wake up to the reality of an empty bed and a toxic marriage.

I just wanted to let this out because I have never shared these feelings with anyone before, not even with myself. It has been bottled up for so long.

In my late 30s, in the middle of a complicated divorce where the husband keeps prolonging this, I don’t know when I will finally be divorced, or when I will meet the right person to move on and build a family with. But I also know better now. I don’t want to rush into finding someone just because I want a baby. I do not want to repeat the same mistake though I have mini crush on my neighbour 😅

And if one day I am blessed with a partner who is truly kind and compatible with me, I will go and “fetch” my baby(ies). They have been waiting for me for far too long.

But for now, I will get up and wear pretty clothes, put on makeup, go to a nice cafe for breakfast, and love myself. Because today is also a day to celebrate women and men who carry a motherly role in the lives of others.

Happy Mother’s Day to all Mother figures ❤

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Nick1 · 61-69, M

You have a very caring and loving heart.

Ohplease47 · F

I am 78, never married, had 2 abor*ions and now my mother has been dead since 2008

A baby is a dream for other women.

My younger sister was her dream, ie: my mother's. My older sister was her "expectation". My younger brother was my father's assertion.

I was her mistake.

BetweenLines · F

@Ohplease47 Sorry to hear that. My mom cried when I was born because I was yet another girl. My sis her first born, my brother her happiness. Both received family pictures taken right after and I.. not so much. But it is ok, I wish they didn’t tell me but they thought it was a “funny” thing to share 🤷🏻‍♀

Hugs to you. We are such a baddie for being here in spite of our moms’ expectations 😎💪🏽

PatientlyWaiting25 · 46-50, F

Sorry life's given you these struggles. Maybe once the divorce is finalised and life is more stable you could consider fostering or adoption. All of my children are adopted and I know of some single mum's who are doing a great job of raising a child by themselves.

ShenaniganFoodie · 41-45, M

It was your mother who loved you before you were born - who carried you for a long months close to her heart and in the fullest of time took God's hand in hers and passed through the valley of shadows to give you life. It was she who cared for you during the helpless years of infancy and scarcely less dependent years of childhood. As you have grown less dependent, she has done the countless, thoughtful, trouble-healing, helpful and encouraging things which somehow only mothers seem to know how to do. You may have accepted these attentions more of less as matters of course and perhaps without conscious gratitude or any expressions of your appreciation. You are rapidly approaching the time in life when you will be entirely independent of your mother. The ties which dependency has bound you to her may be served as you grow older, but the tie of mother-love can never be broken.

Musicman · 61-69, M

My wife told me in the first two weeks of our dating that she couldn't have kids. She wanted to make sure it was not going to be a problem. 36 years later we are still together. She had the mommy bug really bad. We tried adopting, but it is not as easy as people think. She is 70 now and has come to terms with not being a mommy. On Mother's Day she stays in all day though. It still bothers her to this day.

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BetweenLines · F

@Musicman I understand that too well. Especially when the pregnancy didn’t happen and in my case it didn’t even make it to two lines on pregnancy kit. Would you believe that I got super excited when I saw two lines on my Covid test kit because I imagined it was on a pregnancy kit? 😅

I am grieving every day, every minute and I blamed myself for staying in a marriage that denied motherhood because I “feel” my “kids” presence strongly. Sending hugs and love to your wife, she is not alone.

Ohplease47 · F

@Musicman it was supposed to happen, apparantly.

Musicman · 61-69, M

@BetweenLines I truly wish you all the best. ❤❤❤❤❤

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